


I am Me: Then, Now, Always.

by BurdenedWithGloriousButterknives



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: But so can Odin, Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, Frigga is the mom we all deserve, I’ll add more tags as I go, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Lady Loki, M/M, Odin’s A+ Parenting, Pre-Canon, Pre-Thor (2011), Sorry Not Sorry, This will end up getting sexual, Thor can be a jerk, but also lots of fluff, coming to terms with sexuality, there will be angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:31:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurdenedWithGloriousButterknives/pseuds/BurdenedWithGloriousButterknives
Summary: After years of searching, Loki thinks that he’s finally found who he is. However, there are numerous key factors about himself that just isolate him further from the rest of the Æsir. Starting with the fact that he’s finally developing feelings for a certain someone... and they are not a woman. Are these feelings reciprocated? If not, what will he think? Is it possible to be attracted to both men and women? So many questions. Loki's mind is spinning as he sets off to find his answers.





	I am Me: Then, Now, Always.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey! So, I’ve been writing for nearly eight years now, and I finally feel I’ve reached a point where I am good enough to start up a multi chapter story. I really hope you enjoy it! Bear with me, sometimes it does take me forever to finish a piece, so I’ll just give a warning beforehand! 
> 
> Enjoy :)

     They were back! Oh, gods, they were back, and Loki’s heart could barely handle it! At the very brink of dawn, the clamoring rush of people through the halls and the soft gallops of horses hooves filtered in from beyond the Prince’s chambers. This meant that Asgard’s soldiers had returned home from the battle on Vanaheim!

     He nearly failed at containing his excitement as he rushed through his morning routine. Hair brushed haphazardly; top and trousers just short of misaligned, the trickster god gathered an armful of books, their purpose solely to make him look as if he was headed to the library. Hands busied in their grasp on the leather faced, hardcover classics; Loki wedged his chamber door open with the heel of his boot, then shut it the same way.

     With steps that were silent and light-footed, his hurried strides maneuvered him almost silently through the palace halls. He made his way to the ivory staircase that descended to the one area where golden halls gave way to the open fields. Stepping back, the Prince hid himself behind an aged pillar, standing tall to support the palace foundations.

     Waiting patiently, Loki knew the moment he was awaiting would come relatively soon. He had been doing this for what seemed like ages, after all. A short amount of time had passed and two royal horses turned the corner, the riders guiding them back to their stables. One was a woman with raven colored hair flowing over her dull, yet silver breastplate. She walked alongside a porcelain mare, covered in dried mud and splatters of crimson. The other... well….

     Loki’s heart swelled at the first sight of Fandral. It had been weeks since he had last seen him. The warrior grasped the reins to his black stallion loosely between his fingers. His horse followed beside him easily, occupying the close proximity which the Prince wished he could claim for himself. He had been far too shy to mention a word of these thoughts to anyone, not even the Queen herself. As much as Loki trusted his mother, there was not a chance that he would risk their relationship over feelings so trivial. No, he could figure it out himself—at least that is what he hoped.

     Fandral laughed at something Sif had said, and Loki felt as if he could burst. Oh, what he would give to have that beautiful sound all to himself. He longed to make the blonde half as happy as everyone else seemed to.

_Maybe_ _someday…._

     The handsome young blonde tilted his head sideways, eyes practically falling onto the hidden trickster. Loki held his breath and flipped around, his back pressing against chilled alabaster, and hovered one hand over his mouth whilst the other crossed over the books he had clutched to his chest. If only he had not been so shy, the Prince would have caught how the bright morning sun reflected off of Fandral’s sparkling sapphire irises, just as he always loved to see.

     After a momentary wait, Loki peeked his head from around the edge of the pillar to find the swordsman’s attention elsewhere. He crept back out from his place of hiding, his gaze fond as emerald eyes followed after the other man. With a warm smile, the young brunette leaned his weight against the stone and sighed, longingly; only loud enough for himself to hear. Or so he thought.

     Just as Fandral and Sif had strolled far enough past to be out of earshot, two calloused palms grasped at Loki’s shoulders. The young Prince released a strangled mix between a yelp and a shriek, losing hold on his books as he startled.

     “Loki! I would have never expected you to come welcome me back after a battle! What brings you around here? I know it was not _me_.” Thor stood proud behind his raven-haired brother, streaks of blood smeared across his armor and face, platinum hair matted to his skull with filth. Clearly, he had not washed yet, despite obviously arriving before the other soldiers.

     The trickster scrambled to regather his books, swiping at the covers to rid them of dust and any other filth. His nerves were shot. For the first time in his life, Thor had managed to advance upon him without a single sound. Or, perhaps, Loki was too star-crossed to pay much notice to any part of his surroundings that was not Fandral. “It was nothing, Thor. I was just headed to the library is all.”

     “Your lies grow tiresome, brother. We are nowhere near the library, and you _know_ it.” The elder Prince’s eyes followed after Sif’s withdrawing form, noticing only her feminine figure without realizing who it was. “I saw that look on your face. Were you here to spy on some young, unsuspecting maiden? How unlike you!” Stepping forward, Thor’s gaze searched to find who Loki had been swooning over; then he paused. “... Lady Sif? I thought the two of you despise one another?”

     Loki made his way before his brother, pressing a palm flat against the other man’s chest in an attempt to keep him back. This worked to no avail. “Apologies, I forgot that you know the library even _exists_ ,” he spat, tone dripping with venom as he stood in Thor’s way. “We do. Why I am here does not concern you, and I would appreciate it greatly if you would stop shoving your nose where it has never belonged in the first place.”

     “Know your place, _trickster_. You may be a Prince, but _I_ am still the better brother.” The golden son glared down his nose at the smaller man before shoving him aside with his shoulder. It was already too late. The only other person Loki could have been looking after in such a way was Fandral, and Thor had noticed. For as challenged as he may seem, Loki’s elder brother was not entirely dense.

     “Brother mine, I _swear_ to you, this is _not_ what you think.” Although his voice remained steady, the young Prince regarded Thor with wide eyes, taking careful steps back.

     The future King was not having it at all. “ _Fandral_? Loki, such ergi desires are disgusting! I should have Father—”

     Breath coming faster, the seiðrmaðr strode backward with frantic steps as his head shook from side to side. “Brother, please….” His voice was small, a whisper laced with shame.

     This was a tone Thor had never heard from his brother in all of their years. He had never known Loki’s pride to ever falter; not even once. With a heavy sigh, the elder Prince patted Loki once on the shoulder. There was one last solemn glance shared between the two before Thor turned to ascend the stairs.

     Once Thor had disappeared, Loki’s back slid down the stone pillar until he was seated at the very bottom, his knees drawn to his chest and his face hidden behind his arms. This was going to be a lot more difficult than he had previously imagined.


End file.
